Tuesday, May 16, 2006


In spite of the fact that I am a self-described pinko liberal I strongly support the second amendment. Not only do I believe Americans have a right to bear arms, I think they have a duty to arm themselves. And not with single shot muskets or antique dueling pistols either. I have no qualms about people owning fully automatic weapons with anti-armor tipped ammunition. I believe that I should be able to mount a fully functional .50 caliber machine gun nest on my roof. And I should be able to purchase that with food stamps. After all I am a liberal.

That's a pretty scary thought, isn't it? A 250 pound tree hugger packing heat. Puts those PETA freaks into perspective doesn't it? Instead of throwing red paint on your fur coat I just might shoot your fat ass and make a nice jacket out of you. Imagine the candor with which I would reply to Joan Rivers asking me: Who are you wearing? J-Lo

Ok, I'm not that extreme. But I'm not being sarcastic. In fact, quite a few liberals don't have an issue with the second amendment. Those of us who admire Thomas Jefferson know full well that he intended the people to retain power through detent. By arming the general public you provide them with the means by which to overthrow a corrupt government and start from scratch. The tree of liberty must be refreshed, from time to time, with the blood of patriots, and tyrants.

No sir, it's not about hunting or providing for a militia in times of national defense. Jefferson believed in open rebellion and keeping a cache of formidable weapons is every American's duty. I firmly believe that. Had Jefferson envisioned the scope of our military might in this day and age, he would undoubtedly endorse the public availability of fully armed battle tanks. So when the NRA called me asking for support you'd think that I'd be more than happy to cut them a check, right?

The National Rifle Association champions the second amendment. They lobby for gun owners rights, fight anti-gun legislation and even seek to educate gun owners on proper weapons handling. But they'll never see a nickel from me.

The problem is that they, like most conservative groups, wrap themselves in the flags of all the wrong causes. Literally. Typical NRA rallies feature wild-eyed militia members, Confederate flag waving white supremacist and ultra-conservative religious zealots. Instead of sticking to the simple facts of the second amendment, the NRA gets involved with too many people that have a so-called values agenda. Too often those values are so far outside of the spirit of the Constitution that the platforms are actually quasi-fascist. Interesting that history's greatest liberal (Jesus) was a Jew, while the world's most horrific fascist (Hitler) was a Christian. Ironic really.

The NRA stands for all the wrong things. They embrace all the wrong people. How can I send my money to an organization that financial supports politicians who happily rape the environment, denigrate the poor and ignore pressing social issues in favor of greedy corporate interests. How can I support the NRA when the clowns who sit on its board fail to hold those politicians who only pander to gun owners? How can anybody support an organization that refuses to distances itself from hatemongers and hypocrites?

Like abortion, the second amendment is a fine talking point during the election season, but once the votes are tallied the issue is shoved to the back burner and left to simmer until the next election. Nothing ever gets done. Politics as usual.

And that's how the NRA likes it. The NRA makes billions of dollars playing patty cake with the second amendment. If they are ever successful in securing the rights of gun owners, they won't need to raise all of that lobby money and Wayne LaPierre will have to log his fat ass onto Monster so he can find a real job. The NRA is a scam.

That's why they cater to the NASCAR demographic. White trash. A typical NRA rally looks and sounds like a KKK rally, except most of the participants aren't wearing white sheets nor are they burning crosses. Usually. NRA rallies are actually great recruiting events for the KKK since they attract so many like minded people. Stupid, angry white people.

The NRA loves this crowd because they are so-blinded by their own prejudices that they can't see through the NRA's nonsense. Nobody takes the NRA to task over where its money is spent. Nobody calls the NRA out on endorsing politicians who fail to sponsor gun-friendly legislation. People just keep forking over membership dues and buying bumperstickers with witty catch phrases like: This Car is protected by Smith and Wesson. Hardy Har.

So I fight my fight individually. If the NRA ever decides to stake a stand and let its members know that the NRA is about one issue and the rest of the garbage needs to be checked at the door, I'll fill out a membership card and pay my dues, but until they kick out the trash I'll go it alone. It's hard enough to protect my money from crooks. I don't need to hand it over willingly.

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